So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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