Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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