I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
