i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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