I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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