Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
