So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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