After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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