if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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