Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
