If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
