like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
