im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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