I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
