i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
