so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
