help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
