your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
