All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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