Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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