A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pants are for mortals
You were trust falling into bushes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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