RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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