I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize