Im at strip club and am horny
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
