We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
