i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
