I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
