i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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