I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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