my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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