Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
