Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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