Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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