Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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