You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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