I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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