He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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