I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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