I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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