we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize