If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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