I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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