Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
