I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
