It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
