hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
