Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
