Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So much rum. So many feels.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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