His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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