Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We need to get me chipped asap
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
