just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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