Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
