This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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