Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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