the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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