thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
