Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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