"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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